The Email That Changed My Life
I just walked into the break room around 7pm and sat down to take a breather. I was working a 2pm-10pm shift as a caregiver at an assisted living facility that was home to 120 senior citizens. Around 7pm was a small window where many were just past dinner and not quite ready for bed. A good time to take a break. As I pulled out my phone I noticed an email that the results of my recent biopsy came in and was posted on my patient portal. Not thinking much of it I opened it without any concern of the results. Curious but not worried.
Even my radiologist didn’t think it would come back positive. I was 45 years old with no family history or risk factors other than being a woman.
And there it was, all three biopsies read “invasive carcinoma.”
Having a background in healthcare and a certificate in mammography I knew what that meant. As I was trying to process what I just read, a coworker walked in.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I have breast cancer,” I silently said to myself.
“Fine, how are you?” I responded.
“Good.” She heated some dinner in the microwave and went back out onto the floor to eat on the other side of the building closer to the residents she was assigned to.
I was still quite in shock when I went back out onto the floor trying to deal with the news. My instinct was to keep to myself and hide from the rest of the building as much as I could while I tried to process what I just read, but being alone late at night with devastating news gave me a little too much space to think about it.
Breathe! Just breathe!
I considered my immediate options. I could have (and probably should have) went home, but I would have had to get ahold of my boss at home and explain to my coworkers what was going on as they would have to take over my responsibilities and I was not ready to say it out loud let alone explain to anyone what was going on. I got along well enough with my coworkers but they were not the first ones I wanted to tell. I tried the best I could to keep myself together for the remaining 3 hours of my shift (which is hard in a job where “positive” and “happy” are the only things acceptable) then cried in the car all the way home on my 40 minute drive. That would unknowingly be my last night at work as my life was about to take a quick and drastic change.
I was told at my first mammogram that my lifetime risk for breast cancer was lower than the average person. My second mammogram I was stage 3.
The next day, Valentine’s Day 2023, I would get a call from my radiologist officially diagnosing me with breast cancer.